I met someone yesterday and since that meeting things have been disturbing for me. There was something in those discussions that's making me nervous. Yep nervous after all those years, really long long time. Is it because of a fear that things might go the other way? Probably yes or probably not. You know i've met a lot of folks and given up on a lot others and things haven't been this difficult at all. I mean i could just ignore this person as well with exactly the same filters that i've applied on others and moved on. But hey something is different in this case.
What could it be, i wonder? So far i've been filtering others because i thought they were just not upto the mark. Here is this person all capable but still wants to choose peaceful life over anything else. Not that others don't think the same but insanely and unknowingly everybody has become part of the mad race. Everybody is running behind something without even knowing what that something is. Can this person be all lazy and bozo to sit back just like many others i've met in last few years? Probably yes or probably not. No most probably not. It's not laziness because i could see there was a fear as well for the same reasons i'm afraid. But even more importantly there was fear about loosing freedom; freedom to decide what to do and what not to do. That is something i would respect a lot in any one.
What else? There was certain kind of calmness there despite all fears. Calmness that things will eventually be alright. In general i'm very proud of my energy level and enthusiasm. Was it that calmness that's bothering me right now? Does that mean i miss that calmness somewhere within myself? I was all excited talking about my experiences in terms of cuisines, music, dramatics, movies, friends and what not. And though i did see excitement on the other person's face; the other person seemed so unmoved and still all quiet and calm. Is that what's bothering me? Probably yes or probably not. I wasn't trying to boast about myself and my experiences. To be honest i don't know why was i talking about all that? But hey i've been talking about this to other folks too and i never felt bad about it. I never exaggerated about anything to anybody (not even to this person). Besides i'd to keep the conversation flowing so i did what i thought was appropriate. So probably that's not what's bothering me.
What's bothering me then? It's been long that somebody asked me a straight question and put me into thoughts. This person did. No the question wasn't something new or unique. But it was something that i'd forgotten to ask myself for quite sometime now. This person in question also made me think about certain other side of me that i never thought existed and i couldn't appreciate about myself. Yes probably that's bothering me. Like i said i've met many other folks but it was this person who showed me something different about myself. Contrary to all the fancy stuff i was excited about, this person through calmness and simplicity showed me how simplicity could be so difficult to achieve. Yes bingo that's what it is! That's what is bothering me. ... and i'm still thinking about that simplicity and that person...
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