Its been a really happening start, no i mean it. Too many things happened in a very short span, few things i kind of hasted my way, few just happened without my noticing, few i just did without thinking much. In totality, really a lot.
In Jan i found myself thinking a lot about a career decision and i somehow got it mixed with an emotional decision. It seemed like a dream opportunity that i was looking for the whole of 2008 but it didn't come my way then. Ultimately when it came up in Jan 2009, i just let it go. The decision wasn't easy, i was so confused, for few days it was complete mess going on in my mind. There was even one day, when i felt i couldn't work any more and left office in the afternoon without knowing where i was going and why i was going. Fortunately, there was a phone call before i kicked my bike and it kind of showed me a way to let things loosen up. And i let the opportunity go...in peace! Never been so restless before, but this was the first time and second time happened soon thereafter within a month or two.
And today when i'm writing this, i don't know if that decision was right or wrong. Whether that emotional moment weakened me. But i still feel great about it. Ahh the least i don't regret it. :)
Many other things came along. I did things that i never thought i would do in my life. I mean i always thought those things were kinda stupid and you have to be really serious or really funny to do them. I did them because i just felt like doing them, without any thoughts and today i'm glad i didn't think much then. There were times when i drove 50kms to and fro bunking office, ditching some of my friends' plans (haha, that was real fun!), always running to be in time [ahh, if you know me, you must be knowing that i hate to be late and also that even though its been more than 2 years in this city, i hate the complex routes here and the traffic huha, that sucks!!!]. Still it was an awesome time i was having. One midnight i drove in total bizarre mood, again those 50kms. Man that was some night, probably to remember life long now. :)
But the fun part got over very soon, sooner than i expected. May be i made haste, may be my perception was wrong, may be things were not meant to be the way i thought they were going or they had the potential to go.. ahh too many 'may be's!!! I hate this part when things are hazy and you are floating in clouds of doubts :-) The only good take away was that i did try my best, probably more than i knew i could. While i were at these stuffs, i was reminded once about the Bhagvad Geeta shloka "Karm-anyev-a-adhikaar-aste maa falesu kada-a-cha-na, maa karm-fal-hetur-bhurma te sango-astaw-karman-i" (all you command is the right to do your job, you have no rights on the outcomes; the results should not be your motivation to do your job, and the lack of it should not demotivate you to not do it either). I've always been a firm believer of "Deserve then desire" and all that happened or i did, happened just like that. I didn't plan it, i never expected things to happen, it just happened and i let it happen without any expectations. The way things were moving, it just created new expectations and that's where i guess things went wrong. Anyways all bygones are bygones and there is no point remembering them. The goods will always remain as fond memories for time to come and i will cherish them till then. :)
All this happened in last 3 months. whoooa.. what a quarter!! :) But i'm putting up few changes here and there now. I was asked a question recently "what exactly do i want?" Now that's something intriguing, it wasn't about good food, good dress or whatever else, it forced me to think what exactly i wanted from my life. So about the changes, like someone intelligent said "change is inevitable, either bring it yourself or someone else will bring it. in the later case, you might not like it"; i've decided to pull them on my own. Inspired by aaloo (remember him?), i've become regular to office gym now. I've joined Fitness one as well for weekends, so that the habit/routine doesn't break. Its been working for me as of now. If we haven't met in last one year or so, i've lost some 8kgs in a year :) Ahh, something to be happy about, finally! I'm planning to buy a piano soon. Looks like it won't be too costly, more on this once i get it and start playing something on it. :) I've decided to put few more changes on my lifestyle, the way i dress, the way i take things and life around me. I can't put things in words here, but you will feel it if we are meeting after quite sometime. Few more trekking and vacation plans are on way, lets see, i'm looking forward to a good time soon...
So what made me write this post today? Well while so many things happened in my life, things were not going so good with few close friends of mine too. Two of my friends had their final breakups beginning this year. Today i got to know that another uncle is planning to leave for higher studies in US. There are too many uncertainties that surround him and his mind, and the most important being someone special for him. If i had been in his place, i would have kicked such things for sure. I mean you must be really lucky to get someone special in the first place, and once you have it, you can't just put it at risk or let it go. But he is also right at his stand, after all he is doing/planning things with her approvals and for their better future. Whatever somewhere somehow i'm feeling bad about this confusion for these guys. Have been close to them and this idea kinda scares me about them.
Not sure where things are going and what more i'm to see this year. :D But 2009 is definitely the year of change and its not just the "obama change" in USofA :p, its going to be big changes in my life too. I'm already expecting few more changes soon. Kabutar has moved out to a separate place, bittu is planning to move in with his friends too. RPG would be getting married in next few months, aaloo/BK are also in the line. So if all that happens, i will be the only jhandu left in this house. :) Man i need to do something, what... i don't know! :D Let me think more on it; but i don't want to. I decided few weeks ago, i won't create too many "but still"s in my mind and worry about the present only. So lets see how things go on their own. I will post here more in case i get overwhelmed again with things. Till then...
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